The master of tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic humor is back – that’s right, The Scarlet Pimpernel has struck again! It has been said that any good humor has an element of truth in it, and boy does Pimpernel’s piece rise to the occasion. Pimpernel is just saying what the vast majority of Americans are thinking, but who do not have the literary skills that Pimpernel is graced with. Enjoy – Burkasrugly (they really are).
This is an open letter to President Obama, Attorney General Eric (With)Holder, Janet Napolitano and their ilk. Also, this letter should be read by the FBI and the Department of Homeland (In)Security. I am certain your snoops and snitches are aware of my musings and writings.
I confess. I am guilty.
First, I belong to a highly subversive band of miscreants. In fact I am a card-carrying member of a traitorous organization. We are guilty of opposing the Obama regime and agenda. I am a Republican. No excuses offered. I am as guilty as sin.
Secondly, I am a life long Christian. I became a Christian at the tender age of eight. I have been exposed to almost sixty years of Christian brain washing. During this time period I erroneously learned to treat my human beings as I myself wished to be treated. This fallacious teaching is called the Golden Rule. Also, I was indoctrinated that lying, killing, raping, stealing and holding other human beings in slavery was wrong. Janet Napolitano says to watch all Christians. They are terrorists waiting to strike. After all Christian terrorism is the greatest danger to our world. Islam is the religion of peace. Islamic adherents are being blown to smithereens everyday by Christian suicide bombers. The most fanatical of which are clearly Episcopalians.
Thirdly, I am a veteran of eight years of military service. Upon joining I took an oath to protect and uphold the U. S. Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. Again, Ms. Napolitano says all veterans are suspect. After all, they have had weapons training. Some of them even suffered post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the horrible battlefield conditions they suffered on our behalf. They are all unhinged lunatics just waiting for a chance to unleash violence upon our society. To a man and a woman they are not to be trusted under any circumstances.
Fourthly, I am an ardent supporter of our Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I fervently believe in the out dated concepts like freedom of speech, peaceful assembly, the press and of religion. Why should we allow a 200-year-old document like the Constitution to continue to hinder our nation? It is obsolete. People like me are standing in the way of all-knowing progressive intellectuals who wish to usher us into a utopian era governed by Political Correctness and its handmaiden, Sharia Law. After all, we have all been told repeatedly by Imam Rauf and Barak Hussein Obama that Sharia is superior to our Constitution. Its adoption will introduce a golden age of Islamic enlightened rule.
Last but not least, I am a supporter of conservative causes (Are you listening IRS?). I even give money to Samaritan’s Purse run by that arch terrorist Franklin Graham. Franklin, just because the religion of peace bombed hospitals, schools, and churches in Sudan and killed more than 2,000,000 black Sudanese Christians does not give you the right to say nasty things about Islam. I also give my hard-earned money to other conservative terrorist groups masquerading as charities. Some of them are Act for America, Tennessee Freedom Coalition, Christian Action Network, Christians United for Israel, the Salvation Army (a real bunch of bad asses) and the New English Review.
Okay, guys I have confessed. You know where to find me. Bring your manacles and chains. I will not resist you with violence. Come and get me. But remember there are millions of equally guilty persons just like me. Where are you going to put us all?
In the end the truth will come out. And your nefarious, odious regime will live forever in infamy in the annals of history.
The Scarlet Pimpernel