This great article by former State Representative Jon Hubbard first appeared in the Jonesboro Sun last week – Burkasrugly
President Barack Obama, with the willing assistance of the media, has finally enlightened conservatives to the fact that we have been fighting the wrong political battles for years. We were so caught up in our own selfish ambition to influence world politics, that we lost all touch with reality concerning what is truly in this world’s best interest.
Fueled by our false illusions of a world living in peace and harmony under the misguided concepts of freedom and democracy, we have made all of those who matter, mad at us.
Now, we can correct all of our past mistakes and grievous transgressions!
Our president has promised change. Although we are not yet fully aware of what all of those changes might be, or just how the American people will pay for them, we now fully and completely trust our president to do that which is fair, equitable and just for all. Some of these changes that have been revealed, or at least implied, are as follows:
• Private ownership of property, including but not limited to land, buildings, vehicles or weapons of any type or caliber, will no longer be authorized and henceforth will be considered property of this federal government.
• The definition of “worthy lifespan” is hereby redefined as that period from the moment of live birth, until such time that those shall have outlived their usefulness to mankind. This is further defined as not to include that time from conception to live birth, and terminating upon the occurrence of their death, or at such time that the cost of sustaining their life exceeds the financial equivalent of their usefulness and/or productivity, whichever comes first.
• The legal definition of marriage is hereby amended to be the union between two or more beings mutually committed to cohabitation, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation or biological species.
• The United States Constitution will continue to be recognized as our “Supreme Law of the Land,” so long as it does not come into conflict with laws and treaties under the authority of United Nations Security Council Resolutions.
• All American military forces will immediately be withdrawn from the entire Middle East region. This will allow the peace-loving government of Iran ample and unrestrictive time in which to complete and implement their misunderstood and much maligned nuclear program, which we now recognize as intended strictly for peaceful purposes.
• Government entitlement programs will be made available to anyone, whether in this country legally or those who may be planning to cross our borders at some point in the future. These programs include free medical care, free education, free housing, food stamps and full employment for those wishing to work. However, we will continue to provide complete and eternal subsistence to those who chose not to suffer the indignities of gainful employment. Our government will now take care of every possible need we may have from the cradle to the grave. Also, we will soon be able to eliminate the necessity of and the expense for public education as there will no longer be a need for anyone to learn how to do anything, except, of course, to bow their head and hold out their hand to receive their entitlements.
• Islamic Sharia Law is henceforth incorporated with equal or superior standing within our own legal system. This will now allow Muslims to concentrate upon their religious duties to convert all infidels. As we have discovered, these peace-loving people respond much more positively to diplomacy than to brutal military retaliation.
It is further intended that this will eventually encourage them to abandon their purely self-defensive tactics of bombing transportation systems, skyscrapers and government buildings, which we now recognize as icons to capitalism and long-held evil and intolerant attitudes. Who are we to question the true motives of this tolerant and peaceful religion? After all, has not our own history taught us just how dangerous it can be to even consider granting any degree of equality to various groups of people?
• We will now remove any and all obstacles that impede the safe and free movement across our borders by anyone wishing to enter these United States for any purpose. It is further understood that some of these visitors may require either temporary or permanent government assistance during their undocumented visits to this country, but we have their assurance that they are willing to abide by of our laws, adapt to our language and customs and pay their fair share of taxes.
Isn’t this exactly what we have always wanted? We have finally achieved utopia!