The fans of the Scarlet Pimpernel will appreciate the Pimpernel’s latest effort – Burkasrugly
After much pensive reflection I realized I had not exhausted the possibilities of the new fearsome weaponry of the Taliban. Of course, I am speaking of the panic inducing ladies of the Burkha Brigade. Those noble feminine martyrs who lay it all on the line for Allah (and their acid tossing husbands.)
The full burkha has infinite military utility. Think about all the possibilities for the smuggling of illicit drugs. With four wives you can smuggle four times as many drugs as could one unbeliever. In fact with that expansive canvass coffin the possibilities are almost unlimited. You can strap drugs to your arms, legs, torso and neck. The profit possibilities are unlimited for your husband once you become a human mule.
And speaking of strapping on something, this opens up a vast array of options for the haute couture of designer suicide vests. If you go through a check point and someone threatens to search you, act offended . Mouth platitudes about the searcher being insensitive to Muslim culture. Odds are you will be waived right on through the check point.
Blowing yourself to smithereens saves your husband’s honor. You will be remembered as a kind and considerate wife. He won’t have to divorce you in order to get a newer model wife. You will be honoring him by your thoughtfulness, and as a plus, Allah will reward you in the unending afterlife of sensual pleasure. However, unlike men, you will not be rewarded with 72 virgins. Instead you will get one bona fide male martyr endowed by Allah with the sexual prowess of forty (just like Mohammed) men. Think of it as eternal tumescence. Trust me, honey, you are getting a far better deal. Knowing the infrequency of your bathing habits one smelly man is far easier to take than 72 reeking rank women. Do they ever have warm days in Allah’s paradise ? What does high temperature combined with high humidity do to your sweat glands ?
So as you can see the Burkha is the ideal weapons platform. If only we could stuff an Aero Dillon mini-gun under that black garb. Oh, that would make any infidel shudder.
The Scarlet Pimpernel
Gee, I forgot, after you are dead, your husbands can don your burkhas and make good their escape from our troops. I have even heard that sneaky Osama bin Ladin often used that trick to elude the infidels. Unfortunately, Osama is now fish food and will not be able to avail himself of that deception again.